Taxi Jokes

   One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly.
So I asked, “Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!” This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,’ The Law of the Garbage Truck’
He explained, “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life.” Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so……’ Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don’t.’

A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!

 

  A drunk lady leapt into a taxi stark naked. Sachin, the Indian taxi driver made no attempt to drive off.

“What’s wrong with you Luv, haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”
“I’ll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from…”
“Well, if you’re not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?”
“Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with?!”

Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice:
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure.
One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers.
Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

  There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet, as this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was $300.
The Japanese man exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”
The driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

  A man walked out into the street in New York, and managed to flag down a taxi just driving by.
He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, ” Perfect timing. You’re just like Dave.”
The passenger said, “Who?”
The cabbie said, “Dave Bronson. Now there’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along just when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave.”
The rider said, “Well, nobody’s perfect.”
The cabbie said, “Dave was. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in golf. He could have played tennis with the best pros. He sang like an opera baritone, and danced like a Broadway star. He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He could fix anything, not like me. If I change even a fuse, I black out the whole neighborhood.”
The rider said, “No wonder you remember him.”
The cabbie said, “Well, no I never actually met Dave.”
The rider asked, “Then how do you know so much about him?”
The cabbie exclaimed, ” I married his widow!”

  Tourist to Taxi driver: “How much is it to the Airport?”
Taxi driver: “That’s twenty dollars.”
Tourist: “And how much is it for the luggage?”
Taxi driver: “The luggage, of course, is free.”
Tourist: “All right, just take that stuff along. I’m walking.”

  A couple were going to the airport. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. They phone the local cab company and request a taxi. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.” A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -“Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

  As cab drivers oftentimes do, the driver was darting in and out of heavy traffic with complete abandon.After more than a few hair-raising blocks, his passenger leaned forward and said, “Would you please be more careful? I have six children at home.””Scheesch lady.” murmured the cabbie. “You’ve got six kids and you got the nerve to tell ME to be careful?”

If you’d care to share one that you’ve heard, please email it to me at SanDiegoTravel@gmail.com

One comment on “Taxi Jokes

  1. admin says:

    An old couple is in a taxi in America.
    The taxi driver says “So which part of England are you folks from?”
    The old man replies “From Yorkshire”
    The old lady says “What did he say?”
    The old man says “He asked which part of England we are from and I said Yorkshire”
    The taxi driver says “I’ve been to Yorkshire once. I stayed with an old couple. The woman was horrible, a real bitch, it put me off on ever going back to England!”
    The old lady says “What did he say?”
    The old man says “The driver says he knows you!”

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